the truth ?
. . .
like , i truly have no patience for adults who continue to live their lives in a cycle of lies . claiming to unintentionally hurt others while intentionally deceiving them . taking no responsibility for their own actions , yet claiming to be one of the good ones . one of the higher frequency dwellers . spewing spiritual rhetoric like they've done an ounce of your spiritual work .
newsflash : the basis of spirituality is a very simple notion - acknowledging that you do not exist singularly in this world . acknowledging that we are indeed inter-dependent ; trusting that whatever decisions you make for yourself , be them big or small , will either directly or indirectly affect every single being in the universe . knowing that we are all connected regardless of how separate we seem to be . this awareness will , in turn , force you to consider others - will inspire you to make better decisions . without this awareness you can not set proper , non-egotistical intentions during meditation . without this basic realization you can not put your best foot forward in the world and reap righteous benefits from the universe . you will simply recreate your suffering over and over again .
feel free to take that chance on your own .
sting said it best : "truth hits everybody . truth hits everyone ."
consider this your wake up call .
remember me ? . . .
long story short , that feeling i felt way back when . . . that inner voice that made this blog necessary . . . well , i feel it again . somewhere deep inside of me that old feeling of discovery , and questioning , and insecurity , and overall indifference toward humanity has been shaken awake and . . .
this is all i know .
it took me months to remember my login for this ill begotten blog , but today it happened and for good reason .
long story short :
i'm a practicing buddhist now and this was the first time that i cried like a baby during guided meditation .
if i knew the reason for that outburst i wouldn't be here right now . but , i am .
so , let's begin . again .
missed you .
i'm on a spiritual journey & it's unlike any other road i've ever traveled . lately i'm realizing a lot of things abt myself that need fine tuning . i want to have healthy relationships . . . i want to be inspired . . . i want to freely explore the inner workings of this crazy mind of mine . i'm trying new things that i never considered . . . borderline starting over , hurting feelings , being selfish (& learning how to not feel guilty abt my selfishness as it is a means of learning how to be more selfless) , listening & not speaking , stepping outside of my comfort zone , being completely honest . meditating . mastering this unknown road on my own & figuring out why it's so important for me to maintain my singularity . . . stripping myself to the core .
nothing makes sense right now . i don't know how to share everything that is happening inside of me without sounding cliche . it's not that big of a deal , rather something we all strive for . self-awareness . or some sort of self-awareness , as we are never fully complete since life is a neverending journey , but . . . here i go , finally putting the work & study into what i think will be a spiritual awakening for my amazingly complicated soul . no cutting corners , no excuses . wish me luck .
first things first , i have given up one vice that continually (& unintentionally) leads me down the wrong path . the one thing that drives my creativity & songwriting . . . the one thing that oozes from my pores subconsciously . dare i say it aloud , or is it obvious ?
bottom line : i will meditate throughout the day to keep me from missing this . 21 days to break a habit , ay ? well , i've far surpassed that . lets see how much farther i can get . . .